I Struggle To Make Decisions


I guess it’s time I finally said something.

In the last week of September, I pushed myself to put my website out after procrastinating for maybe two years. This past summer with a little motivation, lots of conversation and planning sessions, I told myself I’d finally put my website up in September. On the very last day of September, I did. The process has been terrifying but nothing I’m unfamiliar with. I’ve done this before.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter for some time, you’ll remember “Honey Coated” and the “Duanecia” Tumblr page. I’m good at starting things only to be paralyzed by them. Its cost me friendships, took off bits of my ego and made me face some hard truths about who I say I am. I, too, fall short of what I say I'm all about. 

The truth is I’m obsessed with the rush of planning phases. Thinking through how things should go, connecting the dots on the outcomes, even strategizing all the way to success. But it’s right there. Something right at the intersection of visioning and actualization, I psych myself up. It’s happened with this website; it’s happened in romantic relationships, it’s happened in my career. If you are where I am, here are a couple of tools that pushed me to finally get this post up: 

  1. To start, “analysis paralysis” is a thing. Auntie Iyanla gets into how to overcome it, in this article. If you had a “yass, me too” moment while reading any of this, it’s likely that you and I both analyze situations so much that decisions never get made. There’s a fix for it. Requires some work but here I am finally blogging again.

  2. Last week I started reading my second Valorie Burton book “Successful Women Speak Differently.” Valorie has an auntie-church mother-boss vibe about her that gets me together every time I need it. The chapter in this book that snatches my spirit is Habit Eight: “Don’t Just Peak Positively- Speak Accurately.” An inconvenient truth: the me that speaks “life” to herself isn't a nice person. I say things to me about me that I would never say to anyone I love. I’m working on fixing this. Valorie offers this:

    “Your first step is so simple. It isn’t to speak the grain of truth but simply to admit there even is a grain of truth to be examined. This is just coming clean, being honest, and ceasing to deny reality.”

    The reality is we are incredible. We are loved. We are worth it. The people around tell us this every day, and there is something to be said about why we won’t own this for ourselves.

  3. Lauren Ash and Deun Ivory’s “Black Girl In Om” podcast has been saving me for a year. Some mornings I sit with my phone and a pack of post-it notes and allow them to pour into me. Episode 25: A Letter To Our Teenage Selves helped me heal through some of my insecurities associated with rejection and not being good enough.

Sending you clarity and prayers of confidence this week. It feels good to be back with you.